Middle Manager on the Shelf

Our young children, now 8 and 9, have formed a special bond with Lucy and Jack, two elves assigned by Santa to watch over them.  For the past several years, Lucy and Jack have demonstrated extraordinary commitment to our family.  They’ve traveled during the holidays, magically appearing at our vacation destinations.  They’ve even stayed on after Christmas, despite being needed at the North Pole.  Just the other day, I found one of our children covering them in cinnamon (apparently this helps them get their magic back after being touched by humans).  To be sure, their presence has sharpened our children’s focus, causing them to think twice about being naughty, providing a welcome assist on the parental front. 

While our 9-year old is beginning to ask pointed questions, she’s either keeping the dream alive for her younger sister, or not quite ready to abandon belief.  Sadly, I suspect the former.  What makes the elf so powerful is the combination of magic and a connection to the big guy.  Magic is awesome, because for some period of a child’s life, it defies explanation.  Which other questions can be simply and definitively dismissed with a one-word answer, “magic”? 

Yet the elf’s magic is dark.  Sure, both Lucy and Jack wear a constant smile.  But behind their cheery demeanor lies the power to destroy.  I hate to be cynical, but I suspect my children’s proclaimed love for Jack and Lucy is, at least partly, fear.  To be blunt (and decidedly out of season), Jack and Lucy exploit their omnipresence to scare our kids into thinking twice about being naughty (even when there’s no one around), because, well, those elves are always there.  Naturally, this got me thinking about the office.

I’m considering developing a new product called “middle manager on the shelf”.  Imagine how effective this could be now that so many workers are remote.  Part of the swag an employee receives when joining the company could be a middle manager on the shelf.  Employees would be asked to carry their middle manager with them everywhere they work.  Of course, most employees won’t buy the magic narrative, so our middle manager will be equipped with audio and visual capabilities.  This will, effectively, solidify the essential connection to the big boss.

Having the middle manager on your shelf seems a fair trade for the privilege of remote work.  Sure, you might forget your middle manager on the shelf is watching while you take that post-lunch nap, but trust is built on transparency.  What do you think?  I’m on to something big, right?  I’ve got a history of sharing some of my best ideas before I ever do anything about them.  Watch. I’ll forget about this and next year, suddenly, middle managers on the shelf will be everywhere.