Active Listening, the Skilled Negotiator's Secret Weapon

Office lease negotiations are complex, involving numerous parties (the principals and their advisors), and covering a wide range of issues, from economic to legal.  The most effective negotiators are those who possess both a deep understanding of the markets, and the ability to actively listen while negotiating. 
 
Active listening is a communication methodology established by the psychologists, Carl Rogers and Richard Farson in the 1950s.  The goal of active listening is to achieve a true understanding of the other’s perspective.  This can be a powerful negotiating skill, as misunderstanding fuels protracted negotiations.
 
Despite its usefulness, active listening is not a common negotiating practice.  The opposite dynamic seems to prevail, one in which people take ill-informed positions and cling (sometimes desperately) to entrenched arguments out of ignorance and fear.  For example, it may be that I believe I should receive a certain concession from the counterparty in a negotiation when such concession is non-essential to my outcome.  I don’t really understand what I’m asking for, it’s just something I was told I should get.  Another example is the “this is just how we do it” approach, an inflexible posture which shuts down communication.  Educated negotiators, fluent in both sides of the argument, are most capable of active listening because they’re not scared of making mistakes.
 
Twenty years ago, office lease negotiations were conducted differently.  People sitting at conference tables hashing out the details with verbal arguments of their respective positions.  This practice made for more productive negotiations as it sharpened the communication skills of the practitioners.  It tended to illuminate the differences between the real and the academic as the parties wrestled with the true importance of each issue.  These days, with much of the leasing process digitized and negotiated via the trading of documents back and forth between the parties with limited direct communication, it can feel like no one’s listening.  Why did they come back to us with the same position?  Did they not see our comments?  These digital negotiations usually result in frustration, protraction, and missed opportunities to build relationships. 
 
Active listening-oriented negotiations are simply more effective.  They result in better understanding of the issues by all parties, and they create stronger relationships.  The good news is the best advisory professionals are also those most capable of employing this approach.  Before choosing an advisor, ask how they would handle difficult issues in the negotiations.  Give them an example, let them show you.  This exercise will yield different and revealing results which will prove useful in your selection process.